hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
