Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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