Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have tasted many bathrooms
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
