Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
