It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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