Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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