He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
