I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We had to coat check the pizza.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
