when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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