You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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