Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
