In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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