It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
