it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
