did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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