He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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