she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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