Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
