After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
