It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
