My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
