super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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