Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
