I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
operation have a gay friend backfired
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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