It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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