Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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