Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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