haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When did angry sex become our thing?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
