There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Let's paint friendship bongs
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
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I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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