She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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