don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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