dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
