how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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