Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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