I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
