he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my shit smells like andre
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
