I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
