my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
