If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
