I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
