Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
