He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
