No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
