btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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