flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
