im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
