i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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