I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
