I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
