I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
