Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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