Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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