i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
