This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
