i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
