1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
