Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
