hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
