fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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