The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
