Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
