I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
