You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
