Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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