lets start a swedish sibling band together
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
