We got so high we made milksteak
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
