I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
