Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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