My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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