I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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