he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
