So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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