We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
