i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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