Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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