That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am spending my child support on dildos
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i've created a new STD.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
