My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Is it because I queefed?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
